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My Dildo is a Serial Killer - by Simon McHardy and Sean Hawker. Book review.


This fabulous cover art was designed by Drew Stepek and created by Nate Gromova





My Dildo is a Serial Killer is a sexy romance story between two lost souls. It tells of the love, well, lust, between Christina and Terry. Christina is the sort of girl that hospital staff would refer to as being bariatric. Others of a less sensitive nature would possibly, call her 'Sesame Street' as she is something of a Big Bird. She's used to the jokes, and the name-calling, generally taking it all in her stride, but after a session of food theft from the staff fridge, Christina finds herself in a bit of a situation. If having her chubby-chaser boss groping her snatch and poking a finger up her bum wasn't bad enough, the stolen food does horrible things to her stomach that leaves members of a staff meeting with more than just egg on their faces.

Needing to unwind in more ways than one, Christina decides to make a purchase from a nearby sex shop, where a mysterious voice guides her towards a giant purple dildo. A dildo that promises to make her wishes come true - or is that cum true? However, this 16-inch length of purple pussy pleasuring is no ordinary talking dildo. Because this flexible friend happens to be inhabited by the soul of a chap named Terry.

What Christina doesn't know is that Terry was a serial killer.

After showing Christina just how much pleasure he can give, Terry informs her she can enjoy more of his particular set of skills. But, only if she kills for him.


Let's face it; you probably know just from the title if this book is for you, without me having to go into too much detail. As soon as I saw the title, I knew that I had to read this book. Because I'm not always the most organised of people, I hadn't gotten around to purchasing it yet, so when Sean messaged me to see if I would be interested in a copy to review, I jumped at the chance.


I found the book to be a quick read. Something that most readers are going to get through in a single sitting. Two at the most.

Compared to Neil, Sean and Simon's other collaboration, I preferred My Dildo is a Serial Killer. I found it a much more cohesive story, and for me, that made it more enjoyable.

Hopefully, we'll get to read further collaborations from this pair, as they appear to work well together, and the writing is seamless, with nothing in the style revealing who wrote what.

In fact, I don't think I'll ask who was responsible for certain parts of the story because I don't want to know how much research went into scenes such as the chapter with the glory-hole. I could blame Sean for that one because I hear it's a popular activity in his part of Gloucestershire. But then, without glory holes, I don't know what else Simon has available to pass the time in Tasmania, other than to visit the giant penguin statue. Again.


I don't usually hope for a sequel or a cross-over, but there is a part of me that is wondering if we will ever get to witness Neil vs Terry. Admittedly, that's not a title to fill someone with excited curiosity, but then again, taken out of context, neither is Freddy vs Jason, so you never know what the future will hold.


To sum things up very simply, I had great fun reading My Dildo is a Serial Killer. It ticks all the boxes in terms of blood, guts and other bodily fluids. As expected, it doesn't hold back and rather than simply raise two fingers at political correctness, it drags it outside, gives it a kicking and then skull-fucks the corpse.

It's chock full of enforced piss drinking dietary plans, possessed-rubber-cock priest violations and work-based chainsaw anger management.

Not only that, but the book is educational too: For example, did you know that you should avoid eating -the coleslaw at a church picnic, or that Furries don't like being explosively shat upon? I didn't until I read My Dildo is a Serial Killer.


Yes, you heard it here - fun and educational.


Actually, it's more than fun. It's something that needs a whole new phrase to describe. 'Schadenfreude' is probably the closest I can get to my experience whilst reading. It's the splatterpunk equivalent of those home-video clip shows where you get to see people falling over or being smacked in the bollocks. Only in this instance, you're laughing at a wheelchair-bound child uncontrollably hurtling into traffic. Speaking of which, British readers in their forties will probably get the reference of the kid with palsy being named Joey. I understand from Sean that he had to explain that one to Simon, so I'm secretly hoping that he tries to shoehorn in a few other bizarre British playground taunts from the '80s. Even if it is just so that he has to explain 'Chinny Reckon' to Simon.


Reading My Dildo is a Serial Killer is like sitting in an abattoir and watching Troma movies, whilst Gwar provides the soundtrack.

It's weird, it's in bad taste, and it's hilariously entertaining.


You can find My Dildo is a Serial Killer on amazon by clicking here for the UK


And here for the US.


Trust me, using the above links is much easier. If you type the book title into amazon you'll be inundated with a plethora of artificial dicks. Unless that's your thing, then, by all means, have fun.


Alternatively, you could always head over to godless.com to find not only My Dildo is a Serial Killer but a whole host of extreme and splatterpunk titles, including some by Drew Stepek who designed the cover art.


You can also click here to check out more artwork by Nate Gromova.